airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
