she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
