Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
