Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
