You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
