Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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