Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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