Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
