a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
