I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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