Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
