I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
