i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
