we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
