Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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