y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
