ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
