he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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