I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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