I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
