went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
