i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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