Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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