she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
