party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
