Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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