Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
