i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
