oh god the rape fog is back!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
