One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
