Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
