New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
