Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
