Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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