Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
