I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
