I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
