Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
