I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
