Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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