I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
