my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Boobs speak an international language.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
