on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
