I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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