You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Drake has all the answers
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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