i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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