Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
