he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
