I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
