idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up under a house in Key West
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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